Building a better bad boy

We all love a bad boy. We either want to be one, or tame one. He's the fantasy feature of literature and he never, ever goes out of style. He is style.
So, how do we spot one? What are the key credentials in acquiring bad boy status? Let's have a look at a few examples and qualifications.
1. He's gorgeous. Well, that's a given. He's an alpha male who leads the pack or the lone wolf. Nothing shouts ego like turning up at a party alone, and still being centre of attention. Yes, I mean you, Mr.Darcy.
2. He plays by his own rules. He's an outsider, he's got a reputation and it's one of scandals galore. BUT (and this is a big but) he's in society. He's comfortable with the movers and shakers as well as the scum of the earth. He's always invited to the best parties because, well, he is the party. Dorian Gray, I salute you!
3. Oh, he's dangerous. He fights, he drinks, he gambles, he smokes and has female friends of ill repute. He picks his friends as they suit him. He is guaranteed to act inappropriately. If he hasn't ruined some innocent lady's reputation or been challenged to a duel by the end of a weekend, well, he's not a bad boy. Valmont, take a bow.
4. He knows he's good. That's bad. He's not shy. He's not timid or misunderstood. He is what he is. Take it or leave it. It'll end badly, but would you want it any other way? He doesn't give a damn. Thank you, Rhett Butler.
5. If you can tame him, he's not a bad boy. He will love you and leave you. It's part of his DNA. That's why all the stories end with the marraige. The rest is all downhill. Bad boys don't do domestic bliss. Suicide is the traditional way out for the female. Salve, Mark Antony!
6. He's no gentleman. He will shoot first. That'll be Han Solo, then.
7. You may think all he needs is the love of the right woman. Wrong. He needs the love of every woman. It's probably tied up with him being bottle-fed as a baby. Look no further than Mr. Casanova.
8. He'll age disgracefully. He won't care. No matter his age, even if he's drawing a pension, he's still that bad boy. It's as much attitude as looks. Check out Jack Nicholson clubbing at 70!?!
I'm sure there are more qualifications but those seem to be the most common. So, do take time to check out some of the characters listed above (especially Dorian and Rhett, still the gold standard of bad boy-ness).

The US tour, Part 1

This is a clip taken at Kingwood High School in Texas, one of the first stops of the tour. The trip out to Houston was pretty hard (no First Class travel for us debut authors) but the hotel rather impressive, with gym and swimming pool and room service. I know it's shallow but hey, it's not often I get room service. So, I used the room service, if not the gym, nor pool (wait until Chicago for that).
Anyway, there were school visits to St. John's and Kingwood and a bookstore talk and Murder by the Book.
First impressions? My God, it's full of cars. It dawns on you how huge the place is, Texas is the size of England (give or take) and you may live in (say) Birmingham, but your neighbour's in Leeds. So you need cars. Lots of cars.
The pupils muck in with great abandon and the first few days slowly put me in some sort of zone of semi-bewildered excitement. It's started well and no homeland security issues. I eat pecan pie. It is most delicious.

First love and other tales of horror

The horror. The horror. It was at a Halloween party many many years ago that I had my first 'Bella meets Edward' crush. The sort where you obsess about the target of your affection, you can't sleep, you feel sick and flustered and frankly can't do anything but act a total monkey on acid whenever they're near. You wonder how on earth they, who are Aphrodite/Apollo in the flesh will ever notice you, who feel like a Caliban, club-footed and whose face is hosting an acne convention of global proportions.

I know what you're saying to yourselves. You're saying, 'Hey, how can Sarwat, that most god-like of men, have even felt anything less than totally divine at all times and under all circumstances?"

(Okay, you may not have actually said it, but I'm sure you were thinking it very, very hard).

Nope, it's true. I too have suffered in the arena of luurve.

There's the old chestnut which is 'Just be yourself' which is fine if you're Robert Pattinson, not so fine if you're like, anyone else on the planet. But not being yourself means you end up acting like a pillock, which isn't very helpful either.

Be honest? Hmm. I'm not so sure how "I love you and want to have your babies," would have worked as a chat up line.

So, love and horror. It's kind of the same in my book. The same gut-churning, the same sweaty, broken nights, the same waking at 4am screaming in terror and shouting "Why, dear God, why?".

Well, it came to pass, or it didn't actually. She went out with someone else, who though much more handsome, and richer, and with better teeth and smoother skin and a nickname that threw up all sorts of very complimentary imagery (unless you were a bloke) I at least liked to believe was shallow and superficial, so I won on personality (yes, I know. Great. Like that made me feel so much better). Alas, I reacted the only way I knew how. By being petty and not a little bitter.

Something very similar happened when I met the person who eventually became my wife. The same anxieties, fears and doubts. I had matured (very slightly, maturity isn't one of my strong points) and I did use the 'I love you and want to have your babies' line if not immediately, still rather too early on in our relationship.

So, as you dress up as ghosts and ghouls tonight and head out, wherever you are, for a spot of trick or treating, remember real horror comes from the heart. And hormones.

My passport photo

Ho hum. Yes, you may wonder "what the **** is he doing?" or "Gosh, he doesn't have that much hair on his head anymore," but I'm starting to get a little concerned what with all the jet-setting I've been doing why oh why do I always get stopped at airports and have delays getting visas.
Obviously launching photos like this onto the Internet may not be the wisest move, but what the hell, I have nothing to hide, except the hairy-ness of my chest.
This was during my holiday in Yemen, some time ago. For those of you who read my blog (hiya, Mum, Dad!) you may recall it was visits to countries such as these that got me in minor trouble with US Immigration back in April.
Now, everyone in Yemen has an AK-47. It's like taking your briefcase to work. Or your i-Pod. Okay, not exactly like taking your i-Pod. Still, it means your much more likely to get a seat on the bus, right? And if you are wearing an i-Pod, no-one but no-one is going to ask you to turn it down. Ever.
Unless they have an AK-47. Which they do.
What is my point? Well, I don't have one except it's been a while since I blogged and we were looking through some old holiday snaps and this one kinda leapt out at me. I decided not to go with the one with the stinger missile launcher since the lighting wasn't great.
So, where was I? Oh yes, jet-setting. Or not.
I was meant to go to India tomorrow, but alas my visa is still being floundering at the embassy somewhere.
I'm making my way through a great non-fiction book called 'India' by John Keay as part of my research into my next project. I don't know about you but I thought is was very cool when the Thuggee priest in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom pulled the beating heart out of that bloke then through him into a volcano. I remember thinking "Wow, I wish I could do that!" and how much cooler Thuggee were than Ninjas.
I love the old Indian myths and have an amazing pantheon of gods. Many with six arms and all armed to the teeth. Kali is (for reasons that you will discover) features heavily in the Thuggee mythos, and it's that which I am going to explore, should I ever get out to India.
I would reallly recommend getting your hands on some Indian tales. The Ramayana of course, but more so the Mahabharata. It is awesome and I would put it easily alongside the Iliad, maybe even edging it ahead as one of the greatest stories in the world.
I've always looked East and West, because of where I was born and where I felt I belonged. The world's too crowded and crowds make people ill-tempered. Try and check out how the other guy lives, and that's best done by looking at the stories that made them. If you've ridden the chariots alongside Achilles and Hector, now ride with Arjuna and Karna. See the battle field lit by flaming astras and the hear the thunder of the gods.
Read those stories. You'll be a different person by the time you finish.