Wednesday, 14 April 2010

TV Appearances

One of the most unlikely events in my career so far was my one and only TV appearance. This was all part of the US tour last year and I've only just dug it up.

Prior to this I'd been warned by a friend who does some tv stuff the following rules:

1. Get some powder on the bald patch. Studio lights can be bright and we don't want to blind the audience.

2. Keep your head still.

3. Ditto with the arms. No matter how small it may seem to you, the gestures are magnified and we don't want hitting the cameraman or looking like a monkey on acid.

I can safely say all the above suggestions went straight out the window the moment I sat down on the couch. Then, on reviewing what I'd considered an Oscar worthy performance, I noticed a few other things, much to my dismay:

1. The double-chin thing. I'm booking my appointment at Dr.Nip/Tuck. What exercise won't cure and diet won't mend, you always have the scalpel.

2. Wig. Is there anyway I could transplant some of that luxuriant chest hair on my head? It seems such a waste, and a cruel irony. That or I start combing the hair from my ears acrossways.

3. Black. It's slimming, but not slimming enough. What I need is Black Hole black.

4. Sunglasses. The wide-eyed 'Where am I? Who am I? What country is this?' look just isn't good for marketing. No wonder I got stopped by homeland security.


Sue Hyams said...

I laughed so much at your post I almost choked on my lunch! But you do yourself a disservice! The interview's great!

Rose said...

I agree with Sue. It was a good interview! You do yourself no credit -I only noticed the double chin because I read the post before I saw the clip.
And I can't wait to read more about Billi. Short stories, sequels, I really don't care what actually. So think about that the next time you do an interview.
No matter how stupid I look doing this, I will still have my loyal, addicted readers waiting for my every scibble.
P.S. I wouldn't go with Nip/Tuck, they seem awfully distracted during their surgeries. You wouldn't want to be stuck with no chin at all :p

sahelsteve said...

Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed this interview as well. You came across really well - eloquent, funny... nice one.

SarwatC said...

Sequel on its way, Rose!