Thursday, 7 October 2010

Sinister Masterplan

There comes a time in every young man's life when he's perhaps at some cross-roads in his life, emotionally, careerally, financially, and his thoughts turn towards WORLD DOMINATION.
Have you had those moments, sitting in your black armchair, stroking your white cat with machine-gun-armed minions at your beck and call, reading the Times and wondered, "Well, I could do a better job running the world than these clowns' and decide that maybe living in a volcano would be more environmentally sound (all that free heating from the lava)?
You have? I thought as much.
But before the volcano, before the piranha-filled pond, comes the PLAN.
Start small, that's the key. Gather like-minded individuals, another important step. Establish a clear mission statement before you overthrow the government. It's the difference between a mere gangster and criminal GENIUS.
So, over the next couple of weeks, I will be putting my plan into action. You have been warned. In fact, I'm expecting delivery of my white long-haired persian cat from Amazon any minute now.
Starting Monday the Chainsaw Gang will introduce themselves. For those of you keen to join in the new world order it would be wise to travel across the blog-sphere to visit each and every Chainsaw and acquaint yourselves with your new masters, I mean authors. There'll be prizes galore (hey, it's not all jumping through flame throwers, we evil geniuses want to party just like everyone else) a long list of events where you can meeet us (I see it as a sort of recruitment drive) and who knows, maybe we'll introduce you to your new favourite book. But only if your favourite book has horror, monsters and bloodshed. We have our standards.
Fear. Terror. Tales of torment, of ghouls and evil and of ever-encroaching darkness. These are some of our favourite things.
Starting Monday.
Now, where did I put that gigantic lazer beam device?

1 comment:

Jodie said...

Yay! As a girl who has often blogged about being Empress of the world and developing those useful mind control helmets I totally understand this post. Can't imagine I'm the only one either, will there have to be a mass evil villian show down to decide which of us gets the whole world?). Perhaps we should establish our evil villian differences right off so we're not tempted to do something sad like form an evil alliance and share the world. Um...I am oppossed to your cat coming from Amazon in a tiny box, real evil geniuses get their cats from the RSPCA (have you seen that ad where the dog makes a video about all the things it can do so someone will adopt him - 'Every Home Needs a Harvey'? that is what MY cat would be able to do, except replace tucking kids in with launching rockets). Oh yes my friend, we are oppossed. I will see you in the final battle, for the destruction.

On a sane note: So looking forward to seeing the Chainsaw Gang introduce themselves - especially want to read about the scary dragons!