Friday, 22 May 2009

Who is Billi SanGreal?

I've been thinking about the extent a fictional character grows into life, so thought I'd share my musings, not quite sure where they'll lead.
Billi's fifteen, and recently I established her birthday being 15th January. So she was born in 1994.
Her mother was murdered when she was five, in 1999, and since then she's been brought up by her father.
She's not that academic, that's for sure. Since the age of ten she's lived a dual life, normal school-kid during the day, Templar squire at night. Her skills are swordplay, occult lore and ancient languages. These skills are not much in demand in the 21st Century marketplace.
What's she want to be? That's the question? What future does she want for herself, and what future will be decided for her by fate? As much as we like to believe we can create our own opportunities, we know that's not true. Our circumstances, our status and our environment have a huge influence on who we are and who we'll be.
For more years than I care to remember, I was trapped in a profession I'd fallen into, not picked, but had planned for me by others.
You're either seen as a science/maths/engineering type of person, or an arts orientated person. People get confused when you say you want to be both. I went to a purely technological university. No English students, no languauge students, no arts students AT ALL. Those things didn't exist in my world.
Which is a terrible shame.
People will give you all sorts of advice about what you should be and what's good for you. They all mean well. They want you to be successful, to be happy.
But do they know about your deepest dreams? Do they live in your skin and feel how your heart beats faster when you see your favourite actor, or singer, or when a brand new sports car is unveiled on Top Gear?
The things that quicken your pulse, that's your life beating away, telling you what you really want. It's the drum-beat of passion, of desire, of love.
Listen to it. When all the rest of the noise is exams, is university choices, is career paths, listen to that drum-beat. Hey, it may be too quiet to hear right now, or you might not know what it is. It's taken me twenty years to understand it, and there are many friends who still can't hear their own.

1 comment:

Rose said...

I love Billi, and feel I relate to her a lot. Except--I don't seem to have that cold, emotionless thing she has going on at times. Love your book, Sarwat, and excited for the sequel!